The Cross We Bear

The cross we bear is all to often for our benefit, and sometimes for that of someone else.  In that way our cross is a blessing, because is saves others from suffering, it is enough for them to experience it through us.  Much like Christ suffered for us.  We reap the benefits with out having to go through what He did.  I have had the honor of recently suffered and had 2 loved ones tell me how they have benefited from it.

But penance need not be paid in suffering...It can be paid in forward motion. Correcting the mistake is a positive move, a nurturing move.

Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000

In the first week of "remission" (I'm using this for a lack of a better word) of battling depression and an unstable home turning to anti depressants and family therapy for a solution.   A loved one told me that her husband was more attentive to her and her needs after hearing and seeing my ordeal with my beloved husband.   I could only smile thru the tears and tell her that I was happy that my misery inadvertently brought her happiness.  I was genuinely sincere in that statement.  Her happiness became mine.

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.

Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

Another friend told me recently, that my courage to go seek help from a professional to help me pave my way toward happiness encouraged her to do the same.  After one night she feels the weight of burden relieved from her shoulders.  Again  I said the same.  I am happy for her happiness.
Only God knows why He does the things He does, it is our job to live through them and find the meaning for us.  Obviously I was meant to learn and remind others of things they have already learned.  I am finding me again, and if others find themselves in the process, so much the better!

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller
US blind & deaf educator (1880 - 1968)

How about you?  Has Jesus brought you to your knees and helped you learn and be humbled?  I thank Him for His wisdom and for bringing me through this process so that I may be a better wife and mother.

Not Certifiably So.

OK, I can do this.  Yes, this has been a Very difficult time.  We are up, we are down,  the roller coaster of life has apparently got me worse than I knew.  After too much hell, I have been made aware that it was time I seek help.  Not only for my benefit, but that of my children.  And hopefully that of my husband.  I'm not sure that I should be putting this out there, but this is my blog and I started this to help with the nic fits and crappiness of quitting.   So with that the confession begins.  How I got to this point.

Job stress +  financial stress + family stress + quitting smoking cold turkey x 12+ months brewing time = severe anxiety, depression, panic attacks, hot flashes, anger/irritability, mood swings, etc.

Huh... Who knew!  Well,  now what?   According to the good doc, she wants to know if she can put me on nicotine replacement.........(crickets chirping)...............(yet more crickets)...............
You have GOT to be kidding me!  (did I mention mood swings?)  I did Not make it this long for you to put nicotine back into my system.  No way, No how, Not Happening!! (insert frustrated crying) 
Would you mind going on some medication?  (Deep breath, panic attack....Breathe!)
UHHH, don't you think I already have an issue with addiction?  I really cant take any more battles.
(Patronizing smile) Cindy, you can't get addicted to this, you can only feel normal.  Would you like to feel normal again? 
Does a fish like to swim?  Hell Yes!  But honestly Doc, this pill thing makes me nervous. 
It will take 2 to 3 weeks to take effect, come see me then.
Breathe...Deeper.....Release. 
OK, fine.  (I can do this.... I think)

Being Smoke free

Hello....HELLO.....I'm sorry I have Severely neglected this blog,  if you can here me out there in the blogosphere, I Am Sorry.   Life has been throwing me fast curve balls and I can not keep up!  All excuses are of course unexpected, I understand, but... well... then.. moving on.

I am going to tell you the positives, starting with my biggest accomplishment: One Entire Year Smoke Free!
yes, I did it!  Officially I am 369 days smoke free!  Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.   I survived mostly because I am just a stubborn woman   determined individual who has a goal to accomplish.  I have many family and friends to thank for helping me make it, also to my fellow bloggers because reading your blogs of daily struggles and survivals were a huge part of my success in the beginning.  I would read your blogs instead of going outside to smoke, it changed my routine.  A HUGE thanks to Kari, Mark, Misha, and Big Momma!!  Thanks for keeping me occupied with your witty insight in your areas of expertise :)

I want to also say that I got a new puppy in Aug. and will tell you that story in another post to follow soon with pics! She's perfect as she can be ;) 
Hope to see you all again soon, 
~Cindy