Smiling Hearts

My hubby bought a snowmobile early last summer.  The motor was blown up.  I remember looking at it thinking that it will never get fixed.  It sat and sat, never got touched until a month ago.  We worked together to find a mechanic who would do the work for us.  This man was great, he was knowagable, and seemed trustworthy.  We could not have been happier with this gentleman!  My hubby and I picked up our new snowmobile last night, and went for the maiden voyage.  What a joy to see the dimples on my honeys cheeks, he smiled and laughed like a kid.  It was my 2nd time ever on one of these snow machines, and I will definately put this out there as a great memory.  We started out slow, made our way across the field, and found some snow drifts, he bumped us along the fence line, trying to jump the machine.  I was in heaven!When we went home, he took each kid for a ride, and all came back excited as us.  Our 7 year old girl was definately the thrill seeker, begging to go for a second ride.  I was coaxed into bringing her out.  We blazed the perimeter of the field at a whopping 20 miles an hour, but it sure felt faster!  When we got back, my Evil Knievel husband took me out for one last ride, went went off a hill that sent us into the air!  I screamed and he laughed,  turned and looked at me and laughed some more.  "O.K, maybe we won't do that jump again", he said sheepishly, still grinning at me.  I laughed, and off we went into the night. 
I think I'm in love.

I just need help.

I pray....
I talk....
I act...
My heart is broke.
My mind is full.
My children deserve better.
Why, cant we do better?
Stuck in a rut, and I want out.
I choose life, and all that a marriage has the potential to be.

How Did I Get Here?

I know, Im not the greatest of blog people, not nearly as dedicated to writing as I am to reading my favorite bloggers.  I love how connected I feel to them.  They dont know me as well.  I guess I would be called a "lurker", that is the bloggers name for people who follow blogs but dont comment.  I at least officially follow them.  :-)  I want to post daily like I used to, but to be honest, my heart isn't in it like it used to be.  Life went from having a purpose to .............   What?
 My quit smoking journey turned my marriage up side down.  We already had our problems.  What marriage doesn't.  Now we dont even live together. Sad. We try to spend time as a family to try to work things out.  The kids suffer.  We suffer.  I can see my faults, I can see his.  I can see "A" solution, not necessarily "The" solution.   Be nice.  Is that so hard?  One wouldn't think so, but I see it is more difficult than it should be.  Why is it so hard to move on?  I can see us together, happy in the future.  I would love that.  But I see it may be a far fetched one.  
Being nice, is my daily goal, even when others are not nice to me.  Be me.  My advice to you, love your spouse, even when they are unlovable.  Until the next time, may God watch over you, and bless you.
Take care of your family.  Each and every one is precious.