Keeping Busy and Being Outsmarted.

Today was beautiful, the sun was shining, there was a warm breeze, it was a nice day to get things done.  I opened up the house and refinished my floors in the dining and living areas.  All of this made possible by a younger sister who cared enough to help me get it done! Thank you Candy. The kids were not so enthused when they found out the only way into the house was through the basement though. Personally I found it amusing. We had Kyuki Do classes tonight and studied our Kibon moves with my oldest daughter being the ranking leader of our group. A moment of pride for me. I was called on tonight by the instructor to count to ten in Korean. I only made it to eight!  The instructor had to lead me the rest of the way. So to keep this from happening again I had my oldest teach me the numbers on the way home only to find out that my 6 year old son had picked it up better than me! Moment of motherly pride for the night number 2. (I have to admit it's frustrating to have kids that are smarter than you.) At least I'm still wiser! (for now).
Here's the numbers for the people dying to learn Korean.
1. Hanna 2. Tool 3. Set 4. Net 5. Yosset 6. Tosset 7. Illgolp  8. Yadool 9. Ah Hope 10. Yole

Yes, More Random Incoherent Thoughts

Quitting is tough, I wont lie to you. I'm angry a lot, I chew a lot of gum and mints.  That in turn gives me heartburn so I chew on Tums.  I always have something on hand to chew on.  If I don't, I'll chew on the nearest persons ass!  Work upsets me so I often give out sarcastic remarks that leave people shaking their heads at me. Whatever.  I should care and I do try to care.  I often find myself handing out my mints and gum to other people.  I find their smiles infectious.  I love other peoples happiness!  Today I seen a picture of a man carrying his girlfriend over a flooded bank.  My first thought was "that was sweet", the second was "Guys are still gentlemanly?"  Holy crap!  Tell my husband!  (Just kiddin honey) (sort of...)
See what I mean.  Just a mean old bag these days.  I feel like the poltergeist movie where the persons head spins in circles.  Fine one minute, the next it's WOW where the hell did that come from?  My poor family, it must be hell to constantly not know how I'm gonna react to you. For that I sincerely apologize. I promise that I am really trying to get myself under control and find a routine that suits me. Know that I love you all. To my  coworkers, I also apologize for being a pain in your ass.  But you must admit that I am an extremely productive, efficient and fast paced co worker now!  Breaks who needs them?!  (Just kiddin) (Sort of)
Food is my all time obsession right now.  I read recipes, whereas, I never had the time before, and I didn't care. I do now. I'm always on the look out for fast, easy, healthy, and tasty meals (and cookies).  The newest cookie is oatmeal cherry raisin and walnut.  Haven't made them yet but I bought the stuff for it.
My other big complaint is that I gained 4 lbs and I told myself I wouldn't gain more than 10 total.  I'm only three weeks into this gig and it's time to get more active or something.  So I talked the co workers into our own Biggest Loser Contest.  Its 3 months long.  All loss is in percentage to make it fair for everyone.  We pay to play and then its a dollar for no loss or a gain.  If you lose weight you don't have to pay for that week.  I think this should give me some incentive to get off my hind end!  I do love money and I could always spend it somewhere I'm sure.  Of course that's if I win.  I'll keep you all posted. 

Strength in All Things

Strength is an awesome thing, it is many things.  It is your muscles, it is you mind, it is your spirit. You are either a person with great strength who is admired by all around you or you are the person that caves with the weakness you surround yourself  with. I have often seen people with great strength in my life, people I admire and try to be more like.  One of my great weakness' was smoking, that is not an issue for me anymore, however I do struggle as I am only two weeks into my quit.
  My blog today is about strength and where we pull our strength from.  I pull mine from my family mostly as they are the people I am the closest to.  My children are always a reminder to me how strong and healthy I need to be.  They need me healthy, mind, body, and spirit. My job is to lead by example.  By smoking I was being a poor example for them.  Id tell my oldest not to smoke, drink, or do drugs, while I was puffing away.  Not a good example. Now she sees me struggle to quit, and sees that it was a poor choice to start in the first place.
My parents are true lessons of strength.  They have fought for a life for all six of us children, always giving, always showing strength in their choices.  Some choices were definitely not chosen for being an easy road.  It seems to me that they often took paths less traveled.  They are an awesome pair.  They give advise and experience so that I may choose better paths.  My mother a true model of strength, this woman gives to her family her time, and advise. Call her and she will be there, without fail. Yell at her; she will listen and advise. Trust her and she will not let you down. If I could be half the mother she is it will be enough to make most children happy. I love her deeply. My father a compass of strength.  He is strong in his unwavering ways. He stands for what he believes in. Even if he stands alone. This man is true to himself and those who believe in him. He is there for us when asked of him. I love him dearly.
My siblings are also models of strength. My oldest sister battles with her own demons and has shown nothing but love and acceptance of others.  She could be bitter and hateful to the world, but instead love and hugs are what is given. Her love and trust in God for all things is what drive her. To her I give the award for Strength Of Spirit. She is inspiring. My 2nd older sister has had a tough life the past five years due to circumstances beyond her control. Most women would have ran, took a one way ticket to anywhere but here. She stays, she loves, she maintains, she manages. She brings tears to my eyes. To her I give the award to for Strength Of Mind. She is amazing. My younger sister has been my protector. Always looking out for me. She is the strongest person I know.  She can do so much, there has never been any thing she couldn't do that she put her mind to. (Its the red hair, it makes her stubborn!) She does everything with willful determination, she conquers like Joan of Arc. (no tragic ending though). To her I give her I give the award for Strength of Body. My Lil brother is also a show of strength, he uses his mind  for all things. It is all carefully analyzed before a move is made.  Sometimes he just gives b.s answers to see if he can get away with it, and I often fall prey to these. Thankfully his eyes twinkle or I'd miss it. So to him I give the award of  Strength of Mind, but he should get the award for Strength of B.S! I love you Lil Bro :)
I also find strength in friends how they handle their family, work and life.  They each have their own trials and tribulations to go through. They each have their own strength to handle them. They are all admirable in their own ways.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.  Use the pain as fuel, as reminder of your strength.

-August Wilson   American Writer 1945-2005

The One That Got Away

We spent two days fishing, my husband being the best fish guide I've ever had in my life. He almost always finds a place to catch fish. I love that about him, but who wouldn't  like to have a guide that produces fish?  We were on the hunt for the ever elusive "river monster", the monstrosity of all monstrosity's, aka Lake Sturgeon.  These beauty's are prehistoric fish they were around with the dinosaurs, they are amazing!  They can grow to 6.5 feet, but have been found larger. The males can live to be 55 years old, while the females can live to be 150 years old. Lake Sturgeon put up a fight that can leave your arm muscles sore, and you find yourself winded IF you can manage to get one of these fighters in the boat! They have tough skin so it is hard to penetrate it with a hook when they do finally find your hook. 
Now that you have their facts, I'll tell you my story.
 My first fish was Friday night after sunset, and pretty dark.  I waited 3 hours for this one to find my hook.  I set the hook pretty good too, I fought him for about 5 min. before he decided to go down river.  My hubby pulled anchor and the chase was on!  My hubby really wanted me to get him turned around because we were headed towards the rapids and that's too dangerous to be playing with a fish in the dark.  I was having a hard time doing as requested, my fish had a mind of its own.  My husband was starting to get a little nervous about the rapids and decided to head for a bay about 20 ft in front of the boat.  He hit the gas and my line snapped abruptly!  I looked at my hubby with wild eyes.  Hung my head and had a small cry back up river. That sucked even he can tell you, that sucked.  Rule #1 you can not get bucky with these fish, they know how to break a line. These are by no means a "stupid fish".  They haven't lived to be that old because they were stupid.  My second fish was Saturday morning just after dawn, I set the hook pulled her up to the boat where she took a look at us, decided she didn't want any part of us and promptly headed downriver taking my line with her like it was a spool of thread.  "OK hon, lets go!" I yell with delight! My honey pulls anchor and nothing happened. I started to get worried my line was half gone, we were stuck on some rocks in the river!  My ever capable hero grabs the oar puts it on the rocks and gives a mights shove.  We were free and headed down river with out a minute to spare because my line being 95% gone.  He fires up the air boat and we follow her down and across stream.  I take back my line as fast as I can keeping tension on the hook.  "Don't get bully" my hubby reminds me. I make a small prayer to God that this fish is the required 60 inches to keep and that I get her in the boat.  We pull up to her, I hold the line taunt, my hubby holds the boat steady, she takes another look at us and still decides she wants no part of us.  Downriver she goes; its like she opened a parachute on the current, my reel screaming as she departs. "Now I know she's big enough", I happily report to my honey! He smiles and nods his head as we follow her, we pass her up, my honey circles her but decides to stay up river.  "Keep her away from the boat, she will use it to cut the line" my hubby advises me. Well that wasn't a problem because she turned around and headed upriver without missing a beat.  That was her fatal flaw, it wasn't long before she tired of that and headed back down. Where I pulled her next to the boat, my hubby gently coasted to the side of the river, banking us.  He grabbed her tail and pulled her in! "She's a fat beast" my hubby proclaims! "Must be 40 to 50lbs, no your last one was 40 and wasn't this fat, must be 50," he decides. We measure her, 59 inches. "Straighten her up" I'm instructed. We get 59.5 outta her.  I look at her, shes majestic, shes fat, shes got scars all over her, proving her rough and tough life style, her skull is cracked and healed over. The DNR put a transmitter in her fin, it was corroded from years in the river.  We decide to quickly get some pics for proof and get her back into the river. I can barely hold this river monster as my hubby takes 3 pics. I set her tail in, gently lower her in, look into her small eyes and told her Id like to see her again next year.  Away she went promising to not return for another visit.


Thank You God and Lenny

God isn't without a sense of humor, this beauty was just under my requested 60 inches.  We went back upriver, I prayed again for my fish.  I caught a snag, I tightened my drag wrapped my arm in the line and pulled to break the line.  As I'm tying the hook on, I'm praying with all my heart,"God please, I want this fish, I have to leave soon I promised to be back to make breakfast for the kids.  I have to leave at 10."  I throw the line in, the clouds are covering the sun.  I look up I knew then that the minute the sun broke the clouds my fish would be on, and my prayers answered.  Sure enough the sun broke, my fish was on! I brought it up quickly,"I think its a catfish, it's coming to easy" I said.  "No its a sturgeon, look how the line is moving,"stated the experienced fisherman. It surfaced.  It was a huge, at least 6.5 ft Lake Sturgeon! My eyes grew as I stared at this fish. I cry out, "Oh God Thank you!" Then my fish jumped and my line snapped.  We stare at the empty spot in disbelief.  My heart dropped, "this was my fault", I explain, "God gave me what I asked for but I wasn't prepared." I forgot to release the drag after I tightened it to break the line.  I messed up and as my hubby says "You will never forget the one that got away."

Head Colds and Guns.

Its sounds scary I know but I was just starting to write my post for the day, when my Gunsmith called and told me my shotgun was fixed! I was so elated that I quickly shut down the site(so I lost what I started with), grabbed the kids and ran out the door. (I promised him I could make it before he closed for the night)  When I got there, he was on the phone so I looked around for a bit.  I found this wood grain Browning 30-06 and its pretty well balanced I might add.  I got to thinking that maybe its time for me to get a new gun.  After all my hubby just got a new one last year, maybe its my turn. 
On the other hand, I do have a pretty mean head cold and I might not be thinking clearly at all.  My head is stuffed up and I can barely breathe.  I think this is a rather unfair situation, I mean I just quit smoking, shouldn't I be reaping all the bennys from being a nonsmoker? Like being Healthy?(pout pout).
Of course it can't be that bad, when I got home from the Gunsmiths place I made my target, set it up, loaded up my slugs, and shot off 5 rounds.  I must admit, its been 3 months since I touched that gun and have been using my honey's 12g.  So it took 2 to figure out that I was low and to the left. After that I got them centered but just low and just high. Now I'm blaming the rest of it on my head cold, on the fact I couldn't just hit my target. Just low and Just high, that's Just disgusting!
I'm hoping that all the juice I'm drinking, the Airborne, and Tylenol Sinus tabs I'm taking; maybe just maybe all that crap will shoot this head cold outta my body like a slug from my shotgun!
Couldn't even think about smoking today, too sick to want to.  I never was a good sick smoker.  It was the only time I could quit with out caring.
Lord please make Serena and me healthy, and please keep the rest of them from getting this disease!
In your mercy I pray. Amen.

A Good Day

 Today is my one week anniversary for my quit date! It was a smooth sailing day today!  I started my day off with a cup of Hot Apple Cider instead of my usual coffee.  I think it helped to not stick to the same old routine. I never really had an urge to smoke, I didn't have to breathe deeply or chew the hell outta mints and gum. I actually gave away mints to everyone who walked in my path looking like they were having a bad day.  Just so you know, mints happen to make people smile and say nice things.  I thought only chocolate could do that! :)
I added the WI Quit Line web link to my blog site.  You can find it at the bottom of the page along with my other favorite links. Eventually I'll figure out how to make this site a beauty.  I'm just hacking my way through this. Its fun though, it was a good idea to use this as a deterrent from smoking. (Kari, ur site caused me to want to do this; so Thank you!)
Today was my 2nd Kyuki-Do class. It was intense, I loved every minute of it! I have to admit the high snap kicks are by far my favorite and my best accomplishment.  I can get my foot higher each time,(although I'm sure that one of these times I'm gonna end up on my butt with a bunch of little kids pointing and laughing!) My two oldest kids did awesome tonight too. They were on the ball with every Korean word that was yelled out. How cool is that? (I didn't do that good, the foreign language eludes me and I stand there looking to see what everyone else is doing. I could really use a Kyuki-Do cheat sheet!)

Go Forth to Life

By Samuel Longfellow

Go forth to life, oh! child of Earth.
Still mindful of thy heavenly birth;
Thou art not here for ease or sin,
But manhood's noble crown to win.

Though passion's fires are in thy soul,
Thy spirit can their flames control;
Though tempters strong beset thy way,
Thy spirit is more strong than they.

Go on from innocence of youth
To manly pureness, manly truth;
God's angels still are near to save,
And God himself doth help the brave.

Then forth to life, oh! child of Earth,
Be worthy of thy heavenly birth,
For noble service thou art here;
Thy brothers help, thy God revere!

And that my friends is today's virtue of Self Discipline, which I am certain that I will need to be, in the battle ahead! Good night to all of you, take care and God bless you in your battles and journeys ahead. May your days be smooth and free of bumps!

Story Time

First I have to say Go Pack Go! Good job today Packers, I enjoyed the game but they need a little work getting the offence and defence in line. Perserverance will be the key, as it is for me and that is where todays story will come from.  I found it in "The Book of Virtues" by William J. Bennett, the chapter of Perseverance.

                 

 You Mustn't Quit

When things go wrong, as they somtimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest! if you must--but never quit.

Life is queer, with twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out;

Stick to your task, though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with one more blow.

Success is failure turned inside out-

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

 It's when things seem worst that YOU MUSTN'T QUIT.

I like this story at this time in my life, it really speaks to me.  The hardest part of quitting smoking is that it never seems like theres a good time.  Theres always some stress, some wedding, funeral, lifes to hectic to try and quit. Theres always an excuse to go back to smoking.  Some "trigger" to pop up in your life, to send you back down the spiral of being a smoker.
Today we had a few things to do today and in between places to be I had the kids pick up the house while I did the dishes.  My youngest son was pouting about it pretty good and was appealing to my husband for a second opinion on chores. My hubby looked at his son and asked "Whats the matter buddy? Life got you down? Are you over-worked and underpaid?"  This only got a look of frustration from my son, but I on the other hand could not contain my laughter!  How true, poor kid gets nothing but a simple "thank you" from me, because I believe that I shouldn't have pay kids to clean up a house that they messed up in the first place. Isn't that just encouraging them to be messier?  Instead I encourage them to hurry it up so that we can get on to the better parts of the day.   That too, is perseverance I think.

And more Random InCoherent Thoughts.....

What a day! I got to be with my honey all day alone for the better part of it anyways. Its been over 3 weeks since I've been alone with him. Too long I think. We went sturgeon fishing, got 2 Catfish and seen 3 nice sturgeon jumps. That was it for the activity, better luck next time! We went and got the kids, then went to Maple Hill to watch Hubby and his family shot gun bowl. He got a Spare tonight Im pretty proud of him!
I feel bad about taking him outta there right away, cause I couldn't handle the smoking. It was pretty tough cause I could really associate that with having a good time. In my mind; I see it as so much sexier than it really is, I see Marilyn Monroe with her long cigerette laid back, smoothly talking some idle chit chat. Its just not that cool or smooth, but in my mind, it is. How to get over that image is beyond me.
Today was also tough because I spent the entire day outside, which is the only place I could smoke without any worries. So I kept wanting that smoke, reaching for it, breathing for it, at times I could almost taste it.  The nicotine addiction was pretty scary today, along with the habit of just smoking because it was a normal behavior for me for about 15 years.  That is was pretty ingrained into my daily routine.
But I made it through the day. One day at a time, and some days(apparently) one hour at a time. I will get through this, I just wish I had cookie dough kyuki-do classes to get to.
Ok time to tell you my love affair with cookie dough.
My other addiction is cookie dough especially cookie dough ice cream, (just ask the kids. they will tell you that I dont share)(ever). Anywho, my friend and I were watching the kids practice in class. She asked me why there were different uniforms, I honestly didn't notice but to appease her I looked and noticed the difference. Some kids had dragons on their backs and some kids had the word Kyuki-Do. OF course I pronounced it wrong,(I always do). I started laughing and told her that I could definately join a group that was honoring cookie dough no matter how they spell it!(I will follow the rules of Cookie Dough and never misuse them!) Sorry maybe thats funny if you knew the rules of Kyuki-Do. Im hoping that I now have warped your mind enough, that when you see the word Kyuki-Do all you can pronounce is COOKIE DOUGH!  And if you see it my way then perhaps Im not so crazy after all, welcome to my warped little world, where words say what you want them to and not what was intended to be read. (Or was it?)
hehehe.....

Faulty Mechanics or Not.

Today was interesting, I never wanted to smoke, persay but I kept getting this odd feeling in my head. Like some "buzzy" feeling. It was odd. My heart would race, it felt alot like anxitity. This must be my body screaming for the nicotine it is used to getting.  Hopefully it will be over soon.  I fight this feeling with exercise upon direction from my mother (yes, the woman gives good advice) and my co-workers. I walked up and down 6 flights of stairs, followed by briskly walking around the building for 10 minutes. It seemed to wind me enough to not want to smoke. When I got home, that buzzy feeling was still there so I talked my oldest into biking with me. It went something like this: "Hey do you want to walk with me"? She raises her eyebrows at me. "C'mon" I tell her "You have to exercise me or I'll get cranky and mean again".
 "Fine" she sighs "but we are gonna bike it".  We get on the road and I'm in the lead, I kept looking back at her, she was getting further and further behind."Wierd" I think, Its mostly downhill. "Whats taking you so long"? She mumbles something about Grandpa "fixing her bike too good". I laugh, shake my head and keep peddeling.  We get to the Stop sign a mile down the road, thats where we turn around and go uphill the majority of the way home. This is where the work out begins. I get to the crest of the first hill, look back there is my skinny healthy young daughter walking her bike up the hill! (Sorry honey, you said I could blog this) "What are you doing!" I cry. "Sorry Mom" came the reply. "Sweety, are you going to let a woman who is 3 times your age and a smoker, beat you up this hill"? I ask, grinning. Once again she mumbles something about Grandpa "fixing her bike too good". I beat her home, she walked up 2 hills and biked the final hill home.  I called Grandpa. "Did you fix Serena's gears on her bike" I ask. He replys that he didn't but that they could use some WD40.  (Ha!) So the bike is greased and I can't wait to take the girl again. We will see if its faulty mechanics or if I am in better shape than a skinny teeny bopper! (Cmon Sweety, you gotta exercise your mom!) LOL.

To Quit or Not To Quit?

My Shakespearen Question for me is answered, it is making me doubt my sanity though. I have quit smoking and am on Day 3.(Kudos to me!)  It all started with my family.  My hubby constant naggin' was an obvious one. lol. But the real kicker for me was my oldest daughter. She got a free trial for one month of Martial Arts class. I watched and fell in love! I thought that it was too expensive at first, then I calculated it from the 6 month price down to what it would cost me for 1 week.  $50 per week. That isnt so bad, but I had to have a way to sell it to my Hubby.  That took me awhile to figure out.... Yeppers people, thats right, I gave up my Cancer Buddies for Martial Arts. I switched one habit for another addiction. (Crazy; maybe)
What I didn't plan on was that my classes would only take up 45min. for only 2 days a week of my time. Yea theres a BIG gap in there.  Smokin sure sounds pretty good, but then I see my 4 kids and their uniforms hanging in their rooms ready for when class finally gets here. So that leads me to another new habit. Blogging.  Not sure if I can commit to being a regular blogger, but I do need to find something that will take up my time and keep me from going crazy(ier).
Wise man said that nothing worth fighting for would be easy. Its things that are hard won that were worth the effort. That would be my motto for quitting smoking. Im choosing to do it "Cold Turkey" because I used all that nicotine replacement shit and it didn't keep me from starting up again. I've wasted alot of money on quit smoking schemes and Im done.  My plan is to chew gum, mints and Kyuki-Do til the pain goes away.(No it isnt pronounced "cookie dough" thats a story for next blog)