Soul Searching

Life has a way of catching you off guard.  I am often blind sighted by lifes events, spun around and left in a daze that honestly leave me saying "What the heck happend?" for days.   I have spent the last week doing some real soul searching and internet surfing, to find out how I miss warning signs from others.  I can honestly tell you that  I don't really like the answer.  I'm in denial.  I'm getting to the part of acceptance, because I really want to fix this... errr... problem of mine.  I'm still doing research.  But what I found out is that I have control problem, stemed from my anxiety and inner self doubt. (What self doubt?)
The part of me that says "I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR!" just rolls her eyes, and says "Yeah, right."  However,  the part of me that is filled with self doubt, she goes "Am I?"  So, I am going to try to not let my doubt in, I am going to try to recongize things that are out of my control.   At least make a consicous effort too.  My dad always told me to give things to God, and when I do, I have to leave it up to him.  No passing papers, as he puts it.  Once a problem has been submitted to God, it can not be taken back.  (Whew, deep breath)  Smell the flowers, blow out the candles.
I am only human, and I will try to do my best.  I can lower my expectations of others, they may be too high. 

Packers, Picnics, and Tourneys

Anyone catch the Pack Thurs. night?  I listened in the car, then watched until the beginning of the 3rd.  That was enough, I had to be up early..  Darn it, it is just Pre Season,  I hope they get their bearings soon.  That was hard to endure.  Lets just hope they get the losing outta their system!  :-)

Went to a Customer Appreciation,  it rained,  downpoured actually.  That didn't stop the kids from playing though. they were determined to get their prizes.  I wonder were they get that competitive spirit???  Hmm,  IDK, I will have to think on that.

I got invited to play softball for a team that needed an extra for tournaments this weekend.  I looked at my leg, and thought, ahhh why not.  I just found out Tues. that I bruised my thigh bone and shin bone (love the technicals!) doing a flying snap kick.  A FLYING WHAT!  You heard me,  a flying snap kick,  it looks a lot like the Karate Kids winning move in the first movie.  You know the one he practiced for on the posts, then with a broken leg, still manages to pull it off.... He is way cooler than me, because with two good legs, I still landed wrong.  No, it wasn't the first time I did it either.  But I promise, it will be the last. (ahem... maybe)  Did I mention I tore a part of my ACL too?  But that's OK, I will still play ball!  Doc said I can play sports, as long as I wear my brace, and only play at 80%.  Sweeeeeet! I'll take it! (Just for the record I did check things out on the Internet to make sure I heard him right.)  You can read about it here.
So back to the game.  I get there, I'm nervous, my blood is just pumping though my veins like a freight train.  I watch everyone hitting the ball, cool, I got this, I say.  I walk up to the plate, take a deep cleansing breathe, and wait.  The pitcher throws, the ball is way high, and drops on the plate, STRIKE!  What the hell was THAT, I think.  Deep breath, dig in my cleats, ball comes in high, drops in the dirt in front of the plate,  GOOD EYE, they all yell.  Roll the bat, breathe, dig the cleats, ball comes in high, I watch and swing as it comes down.....
I missed. STRIKE!
Damn!
"That's it" my cousin says.
"I got one more" I say.
"No, 2 strikes, 3 balls in this league"  he replies
My heart hits the dirt, this is harder that I thought it was gonna be.  The rest of the game played that way.  At least I knew I only had 2 chances this time.  I played like a newbie.  Guess I was.
During our wait for the second game, our pitcher took pity on me, and gave me some practice and tips.  I gave it a good effort. (I know because I pulled the muscles in my right ribs for my effort!)
What a good guy, he deserved a Leininkugals for that!  I made sure to get him one, wanted to give him a hug too, but that would be....  well.....weird.
Our second game, I hit the ball a total of 4 times that I was at bat.  2 times I never made it to first, then I was out on the way to 2nd, and the 4th at bat, I made it to second, but our inning ended. I got one out too!  I'm hoping to make it home tomorrow,  WISH me luck and don't forget to pray for the teams and my health,  especially my ribs and knee!

Packers, kids, and tourneys  barely know when the right time to quit is.  Here's to all you who like to play, no matter the odds, weather or injuries.
KEEP ON, KEEPING ON!

Under Construction

Well, I am one month away from being 2 years smoke-free.  It has been anything but a picnic.  Do I regret it?  Most certainly not! I have decided that this blog is seriously outdated.  I will be reconstructing it to fit my new needs.  The battle is no longer about fighting nicotine fits, it will be about eating clean, exercising, and of course family and spiritual outlooks.  I will be introducing you to my new online inspirations, some you may already know, they are still wonderful and uplifting writers that I thoroughly enjoy.  In the mean time I am going to be posting about daily goals, to get me on track.  I have already started "dipping my big toe in the water", by doing the Mayo Clinic Diet.  I have also been testing recipes from The Gracious Pantry, of which I have yet to find one I do not like!  :-)  I have continued my Kyuki-Do, and will be earning my blue belt on Aug. 30, 2012.  I must admit that it has taken me a lot longer to get to, than I had envisioned.  I believed that I would have a black belt in 2 to 3 years.  It has been almost 2 years since I started and am only getting to the 6th belt now.  Guess I needed more growing than previously thought! LOL.
My exercise guru will be Fit Mama, I have been checking this girl out for a few weeks, and I absolutely love her!  She is a motivator, up lifter, and a no B.S. girl.  I can totally respect that.
So this is the beginning of my plan to get back on track.  The fun-loving, no pity, no depression, happy me!  So this site is under construction to reflect new purpose and direction.

See you tomorrow!